23 Sept 2021 - The Little Things

 God pays attention to even the little things. 


I ended the day yesterday feeling like I had a good break. Resolved what I needed to do regarding my relationship with dad. Just had to choose to accept that he is what he is and choose to love him regardless. 

Also got a number for the pay I want. Still unsure about the job I want but I want to work for a MNC again. No more SMEs. 

Also had a visual of the kind of guy I want despite what Terence says. I don’t want him cos he is taken. But I want someone like him. Physically - face, height, other physical parts; financially; mentally - communicates/talks bout things and is able to see the good in my weaknesses. 

I also had a visual of the house I want. Even had a plan/direction for my finances now. 

On top of that, had two desires fulfilled. The coffee machine and swimming. Even felt like the stress on my neck has been healed. 


Then I wake up today and I felt the pain in my back seemed to have deteriorated. It’s more painful than before and I have no solution for it. Just temporal relief of the pain. Also feel emotionally very shitty. I really don’t know why. My place feels depressing. 


I guess this is how fickle our emotions are. And how easy it is to shake our faith in the Lord. 


Thank goodness I can just surrender everything to God, not just all my troubles, my desires but also all my emotions. When I don’t know how, it’s time for God to take over. And for me to just WAIT. 


Side note- I “know” I should let Joel go and forget about him. Yet I can’t bear to delete his number. Oh God help me. 

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