2021 - Its been 10 years

 Its not too long ago that I cried out to God, asking for direction in my current situation regarding - finances, career and relationships.  As I started feeling left out and clueless what to do, today i get news that Melvin wants to do some "restructuring" and that we are to advise on the areas that we want to focus on. This also means I do not need to have a chat with SY about what I want to do now. And I get to do more international projects that usually do not involve us. And I also get to choose the territories I am interested in.  Relationship wise, I guess as God starts cleaning out my insides, I would be able to love myself more and not be such an angry person. As he lets me realise more things about myself, that probably helps me to cope wth my emotions and respond better rather than react from being triggered. 

 Reading "Give me this Mountain", I feel like I am not living the life that God gave me. I feel like I am barely surviving. The dreams I had when I was young, none of them came true. I wanted a husband, a loving family but till now I am still single. I wanted a job that would take me around the world, allow me to travel and experience the different cultures in different parts of the world. Again, I thought I got that job with mm2 but somehow things changed.  Career Right now, all I want is to work for a company that is large and allows us to work however we need to, as long as we deliver the results. I want to do more than just follow orders. I want to take on bigger projects and earn more money than just be a second fiddle. I am sick and tired of being passed over. I have had good projects that God had opened doors to. I don't know what happened and if I should still stay with mm2. I just feel my time with mm2 seem to have come to an end. I am no longer interested in goi...

 Its been 10 years since I started writing in this blog. Started after my breakup with Toulia and I didn't have enough books to write in. And also everything was going digital. 10 years on and I am still writing about the same things - a relationship that I still do not have.  There is so much within me that I do not know how to express. And it has all built up into pain. Pain from being misunderstood, never understood, never loved, rejected.  It has been 6 years since I came back to Singapore, to fulfil a "greater calling" from God but I don't feel anywhere close. I am doing things that I don't enjoy. I don't like the horror genre nor rom com nor family drama. Even more I do not like Singapore movies. And I definitely do not like doing advertisements in Singapore. I do not know what else to do already.  But if I were to find a job overseas, I feel like I am running away again. Am I? I don't know what to do already. Typing my thoughts here is totally diffe...