13 sept 2021 - Back to Square 1? No. There’s been improvement

 Once again I had a shouting match with mom today. Again she played victim. Again she played out her victim conversation in her mind even though that’s not what happened. 

I will record our conversation the next time. So there’s no he say she say. 

And I am now very sure she is not just a garden sinner but a wicked person. 

She has her own excuses for saying what she says and behaving how she behaves. 


I refuse to react to her anymore. 


I also would like to move out. I’m just sick and tired of having to deal with them. I can renovate the house later when they pass away. I want my own space to do my own things. So I can keep it clean and be happy it is clean. I’m sick and tired of living in a pig sty. I want to move out and rent out the current room. 

Mom can deal with the tenants regarding how dirty or clean the place is to be. I will get whatever space I need in the fridge and not get annoyed with all the plastic bags I see. 


Enough is enough. No need to wait till they die. N no. I refuse to hate them either. That is not in my DNA. Christ has rescued me. I have Christ DNA in me! He is love. He is Grace. He is Mercy. 


And no. I refuse to cave in to the devil’s accusation. I do believe there has been a shift. And now that I am aware and I know that she can still trigger me, I choose not to be triggered by her. That is an improvement  

I refuse to feel like I haven’t done enough or made any improvements. I have. 




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